Easter Hope in the Counseling Room
By Ivan Kaufman
Easter is my favorite holiday. For many people, Easter conjures up images of bunnies, egg hunts, or an excuse to hand out one of life’s greatest joys – chocolate. While all of these things may indeed bring delight, they are not what makes this season the source of our greatest joy. Easter is about the story of life’s first hope, which cannot happen apart from the dark reality of death.
As I anticipate the coming season of Easter, I think of a client I have been working with since the Fall of 2021. I asked my client if I could share this story as a message of hope. She graciously agreed. This woman came to my office seeking help with a history of sexual trauma and spiritual abuse. She had years of therapy under her belt, but still struggled with feelings of judgment towards her body, heart, and story. In my experience I have found that both of these types of abuse can look remarkably similar and have profound impacts on our psyches. Both types of trauma influence the ways that we move towards relationships with ourselves, others and towards our Creator.
A year and a half into our work together, we were processing shame she was presently experiencing. It was April — the week leading up to Easter. We were talking through her feelings that were triggered by a current life stressor that were linked to the memories of her past sexual trauma. Of course, this story and shame were not new to her. She had been processing many of these experiences and memories for years of her life. Our conversation was focused less on the details of the story, and more about what was happening inside her body and heart. In these contexts, it’s important to remember that while traumatic events happen to you, trauma happens inside of you, disintegrating your connection with self, others, and even God.
I’ll pivot for a moment. In my own life, I have been significantly shaped, both personally and professionally, by the work of Dr. Dan Allender. He’s worked extensively in the field of spiritual and sexual trauma and has made invaluable contributions in the counseling field. Allender’s book The Wounded Heart explicitly engages sexual trauma, while also provides psychological insights to the ways in which such experiences impact a person’s connection with their world, themself, and God. Regardless of a person’s faith background, many can still resonate with the idea of a Higher Power, similar to the non-denominational God of Addicts Anonymous, and the dysfunction that comes from being disconnected from such power.
As I worked to be present with my client, I could sense God impressing something on my heart. I sensed that He was inviting her to a deeper healing related to her beliefs about Him and her beliefs about herself. And in that moment I decided to confront the lies that had taken root in her life that were distorting her reality. The image of God is central to our humanity. What is most true of us is that we have dignity at the core of our being, because we are God’s children. Abuse does not have the final say and therefore cannot win. I began to cry with my client as I imagined parts of her that have died coming alive. We were out of time, and I left the session and surrendered my client into God’s good and loving hands.
When we met again, it was the week after Easter and I immediately noticed something seemed different about her face. Her eyes seemed lighter and filled with hope. Her circumstances had not changed, but I pressed her with curiosity about this difference. I don’t remember exactly what she had said, but it was something along the lines of, “you were right.” She proceeded to share that she had left our meeting and gone home to read every Gospel account of the resurrection. Here was a woman who had experienced so much harm from men and the church, yet searching for the true Jesus.
She shared that Mary Magdalene resonated with her most deeply — a woman so devoted to Jesus that she was mentioned in all four gospels. A woman whose rescue from demon-possession resulted in undying devotion to Him. A woman with a substantial history of trauma, to whom Jesus chose to reveal himself first when he rose from the dead. My client said, “I have experienced new life in Him.”
While this new understanding didn’t change the abuse she endured, she was beginning to experience a new sense of freedom. Sexual and spiritual trauma wounds us deeply, and these wounds often lead us to condemn ourselves, and become disconnected from the God who loves us. This separates us from experiencing the healing that we so desperately desire. But the truth of the gospel is deeper still.
This Easter will be especially meaningful for me as I reflect on the privilege of bearing witness to my client’s courage to find the true Jesus amidst so much violence against her body and heart. I saw the glory of Living God in her face that day as she realized the dignity within herself and her deep need for the cross. In the face of trauma, we develop adaptive strategies for our survival to keep us safe. My client got a glimpse of a different type of safety that day, one that emerged from being deeply known and deeply loved. As I think of this encounter with my client, I am reminded of the women on Easter morning who went to the tomb in order to care for the dead body of Jesus and encountered the two angels telling them that Jesus was raised from the dead. My client’s story is evidence to my heart that He is Risen!
